Signs Your Significant Other Is Using or Selling Drugs

If you are in a relationship with someone who you suspect is struggling with a substance use disorder (SUD) or dealing drugs, it’s important to know what the signs are and what your next steps should be.

As a loving spouse, it’s natural to be concerned about your partner’s well-being. Below are some major red flags to look out for and guidance on addressing the issue with your significant other.

There is hope!

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How to Tell if Your Spouse Is Misusing Drugs

Every person, every drug, and every substance use disorder is unique. That means the signs that a spouse could be a drug addict will vary from person to person.

However, we asked 250 people recovering from drug and alcohol addiction to tell us how their loved ones first discovered their substance use disorder. The results were:

• 53% noticed changes in the addict’s mental/emotional state
• 49% noticed changes in the addict’s behavior around the house
• 48% noticed changes in the addict’s physical appearance
• 42% noticed changes in the addict’s work, hobbies, and lifestyle
• 30% noticed changes in the addict’s finances

Only 2% of loved ones never found out about the addiction.

Below are common signs that indicate your significant other may be misusing drugs, including:

• Unpredictable, unusual, or erratic behavior, especially if it is inconsistent with their typical behavior
• Secrecy and deception about whereabouts, behavior, activities, and especially substance use
• Rapid and/or extreme mood swings, especially if the swings are between euphoria, irritability, and depression
• Changes in physical appearance, like unexplained weight loss or gain
• Neglect of personal hygiene and decline in overall appearance
• Red or bloodshot eyes
• Social isolation
• Unexplained financial problems and expenditures
• Decline in performance at school or work
• Changes in sleep patterns
• Drug paraphernalia, such as pipes, needles, or drug packaging like pill bottles or small zip bags
• Loss of interest in previously enjoyed hobbies
• Legal issues, such as arrests and encounters with law enforcement related to substance use

Signs Your Partner May Be an Addict

Addiction is a disease that impacts the mind, body, and spirit. In order to identify the signs your partner may be an addict, you will have to pay attention to their behavior, physical health, and lifestyle.

While every person suffering from a substance use disorder will display a unique set of signs of their addiction, some of the most important that you need to be aware of include:

Behavioral Changes

Addiction frequently causes behavioral changes. It isn’t uncommon for someone with an addiction to scheme and lie in order to hide his or her habits and behaviors.

Many substances significantly change the user’s mood, both while they are using and while they are coming down from the drug or going through withdrawal. This means that frequent and extreme mood swings, especially when not present before, are a major sign of addiction.

Many addiction sufferers go to tremendous lengths to hide their substance use. That’s why secrecy, evasiveness, and defensiveness about where they are, what they’re doing, and who they’re with are signs your spouse could be addicted to drugs. Tragically, addiction sufferers typically become increasingly untrustworthy, which erodes the foundation of their relationship with their significant other.

As addiction progresses, most sufferers dedicate more and more of their time to substance use. As a result, they tend to no longer participate in activities they previously enjoyed and may begin to experience difficulties at work or school (more on this below).

They also tend to change their social circle to individuals who also use their preferred substances. Eventually, most addiction sufferers become increasingly isolated from friends, family, and social activities.

Changes to Physical Health

Addiction can dramatically impact an individual’s short-term and long-term physical health. Many drugs have a significant impact on a user’s appetite, either dramatically increasing it or decreasing it. This means that significant and otherwise unexplained weight loss or gain is a frequent sign of addiction.

As addiction takes over more and more of the sufferer’s life, they tend to pay less and less attention to their appearance and hygiene. This means that a decline in personal appearance or hygiene is a major sign of a persistent addiction issue. Similarly, changes to the skin, especially the pallor or the appearance of sores, are indicative of addiction issues.

Many drugs (as well as the comedown and withdrawal from them) impact sleep cycles. Some increase sleep needs, leading to excessive sleep, while others cause insomnia, keeping users up for days.

Other physical symptoms that may be signs you are the spouse of an addict include red or blood shot eyes, impaired coordination, unsteady gait, tremors, and track marks (caused by injecting drugs intravenously).

Work and Lifestyle Changes

As addiction becomes more dominant in an individual’s life, they start to neglect personal, professional, and familial responsibilities. In turn, they perform more poorly at work and school and/or exhibit increased absenteeism. These issues are frequently exaggerated by a loss of ambition to grow in their career, education, or personal development.

The combination of declining performance and the expense of maintaining an addiction can lead to otherwise unexplainable financial problems, expenditures, and requests for money.

Perhaps most concerningly, addiction can cause many legal issues, both directly and indirectly. Possession of illegal substances, driving, under the influence, and public intoxication are all examples of crimes that are a direct result of addiction.

Assault, gang-related crime, robbery, sexual assault, murder, and many other violent and non-violent crimes are also much more likely to be committed by an offender who is under-the-influence of drugs or alcohol and/or attempting to fund their habits.

One of the most tragic indicators of drug addiction is the disintegration of relationships. People, especially significant others, family members, and close friends, have a hard time trusting someone who is in the throes of addiction. Therefore, strained or broken relationships are a common sign—and unfortunate consequence—of addiction.

What Do I Do if My Partner Is on Drugs?

If you have recently discovered signs you’re dating or married to a drug addict, you may not know how to react. You are probably asking yourself a million questions.

Should you leave?

Should you stay?

What support should you provide?

What support can you provide?

The truth is that there is no one right thing to do if your partner is on drugs. And it is very difficult to anticipate the consequences of your actions when dealing with an addiction sufferer.

However, there are some general steps you can take if your partner is on drugs that will be helpful in most circumstances.

1. Stay calm: Maintain your composure because it is important to approach the situation and your spouse with a clear and calm mind.
2. Initiate an open and honest conversation with your spouse: Make sure to express your concerns, observations, and feelings without judgment while creating a safe space for them to share their perspectives.
3. Avoid blaming or criticizing: Focus on a collaborate approach to addressing the issue. Remember, addiction is not a choice; it is a disease.
4. Offer support: Make sure your spouse knows that they have your support if they seek help or make positive changes.
5. Educate yourself: Learn about the specific substance(s) your partner is using, and understand the effects, risks, and consequences of their use.
6. Encourage and enable professional help: Seek professional help in the form of therapy and addiction treatment programs both for yourself and your spouse, separately and jointly.
7. Prepare for resistance: Understand that your partner may initially resist the idea of making changes or seeking help and that you may have to be patient and persistent.
8. Consider an intervention: If your spouse is not receptive to change, it may be beneficial to host a professionally guided intervention involving close friends and family members.
9. Establish and maintain healthy boundaries: Make sure that you communicate your expectations and what the consequences will be if your partner fails to meet them, and then make sure those consequences happen if necessary.
10. Monitor your spouse’s health: Keep an eye on your partner’s physical and mental health and know the signs of overdose.
11. Involve emergency services if necessary: If your partner’s substance use is placing them or others in immediate risk of harm, it may be necessary to seek urgent medical attention.
12. Make decisions based on your well-being: If your spouse is unwilling or unable to make changes or seek help, you may need to leave for your (and your children’s) safety.

How to Support Versus Enable Your Partner

While support and enablement are very different concepts, in practice they can look very similar.

Support encourages positive change, empowers independence, respects boundaries, promotes well-being, and is aligned with positive values.

On the other hand, enablement sustains negative behaviors, promotes dependence, disregards boundaries, maintains the status quo, and is aligned with negative values.

Examples of support include:

• Encouraging or helping your partner to attend therapy or support group meetings
• Offering emotional support and understanding
• Celebrating and acknowledging milestones, no matter how small

Examples of enablement include:

• Providing financial assistance that allows your significant other to obtain alcohol or drugs
• Covering up or minimizing the consequences of their negative actions
• Rescuing them from what would otherwise be the negative consequences of their behavior

Can I Force My Significant Other into Rehab?

In some jurisdictions, it is possible to force a significant other into rehab if certain criteria are met. However, many jurisdictions do not allow this at all.

If you’re wondering what the criteria for forcing your spouse into rehab are in your jurisdiction, it is best to talk to a local attorney or law enforcement official.

Even where it is legal to force a spouse into rehab, it should only be used as a last possible resort. Forcing someone into rehab is not recommended, as it is highly unlikely to be effective in the long run and may make long-term recovery less likely.

Additionally, there are many ethical and moral questions regarding the practice. Forcing your spouse into rehab is also likely to cause significant and possibly irreversible relationship damage.

What Happens if Drugs Are Found in Your House?

What happens if drugs are found in your house will vary, based on factors like the type of drugs, the quantity of drugs, where the drugs were, what jurisdiction you are in, and the actions you take, among others. Please note that in many jurisdictions, drug paraphernalia also carries significant penalties.

Even if the drugs aren’t yours, there’s still a chance you could be charged with possession. However, you may be acquitted or have the charges dropped if your lawyer can prove you had no knowledge of the drugs being present in the home.

Some of the possible consequences that can result from drugs or drug paraphernalia being found in your house include incarceration, fines, mandated rehab, and loss of parental rights.

What Are the Signs that My Partner Is Dealing Drugs?

There are many potential signs of a drug dealer boyfriend, girlfriend, or spouse.

Behavioral signs of a drug dealer boyfriend, girlfriend, or spouse include:

• Frequent and unexplained absences from the home, especially during odd hours
• Changes in friends or acquaintances, especially if new associates are known for involvement in illegal activities
• Increased secrecy over activities and whereabouts
• Sudden and unexpected wealth without a clear source
• Possession of multiple phones or frequently changing phone numbers
• Making expensive purchases that do not seem affordable

Physical signs of a drug dealer boyfriend, girlfriend, or spouse include:

• Possession of drug paraphernalia such as scales, small zip bags, and equipment or ingredients for making drugs (e.g. beakers, portable stove, laxatives)
• Strange or unusual odors in personal belongings or on clothing
• Excessive secrecy with or guarding of personal items such as backpacks and bags

Legal signs of a drug dealer boyfriend, girlfriend, or spouse include:

• A history of legal issues related to drug offenses
• Frequent interaction and encounters with law enforcement

Social and relationship signs of a drug dealer boyfriend, girlfriend, or spouse include:

• Strained relationships with family or friends, especially if they express concerns or suspicions
• Withdrawal or isolation from family activities or close relationships

Changes in living environment that may be signs of a drug dealer boyfriend, girlfriend, or spouse include:

• Frequent and unexplained visits from unfamiliar or suspicious individuals
• Frequent changes in residence, especially if they are abrupt or unexplained
• Excessive security measures at home, such as security cameras, reinforced doors, or owning a large number of weapons

When Is it Time to Walk Away?

There is no universal right answer to the question of when it is time to walk away. The only person who can really decide when it is time to walk away is you.

According to our survey data, about 36% of relationships that are impacted by addiction will end.

There are certain situations that warrant a tough, honest assessment of your relationship and whether it is worth it—or even safe—to try and save it when a partner is using or dealing drugs:

• Physical abuse or violence: In virtually all circumstances where physical abuse or violence is present, the relationships should be ended as soon as is safely possible. This is especially true when substance misuse is a factor.
• Sexual abuse or violence: Similar to physical abuse, the presence of sexual violence or abuse should cause the end of the relationship as soon as it is safely possible for all parties to leave.
• Verbal or emotional abuse: Verbal or emotional abuse, especially when a partner is under the influence, could be an indicator that it is time to leave the relationship.
• Safety concerns: If your spouse’s addiction or drug dealing poses a direct threat to your safety or the safety of others, it may be time to walk away.
• Refusal to seek help or make changes: If your partner refuses to seek professional help and constantly chooses drugs over you, it may be time to prioritize your own wellbeing and end things with them.
• Repeated relapses: If your spouse is unwilling or unable to prevent relapses, the current situation may not be conducive to long-term recovery and should possibly be changed.
• Repeated infidelity – If your spouse has repeatedly cheated on you as a result of substance use or drug dealing, it may be best to end the relationship.
• The impact on children: You should consider whether your children will be more negatively impacted if you leave, depriving them of a two-parent home, or by you staying and having them live in an unsafe environment a poor role model.
• Financial stability: If your partner’s behavior is negatively impacting your family’s financial stability, it may be a reason to end the relationship.
• Legal issues: If your spouse’s addiction is leading to legal problems, or especially if they are putting you at risk of legal consequences, it may be time to end the relationship.
• When an addict leaves you: It is probably time to end the relationship when an addict leaves you. If they have chosen to prioritize themselves, it is probably time for you to do the same.

Treatment Options if Your Spouse is Using Drugs

If you suspect your spouse is using drugs, it’s important to take action and get them the help they need.

Remember, drug addiction is a complex disease, and recovery is a journey that requires patience, support, and understanding.

At Legacy Healing Center, treatment for addiction typically involves a combination of different levels of care and therapies designed to help overcome addiction while rebuilding damaged relationships.

To learn more about our treatment center, contact us today and speak with one of our trained intake specialists. We’re available 24/7 at 888-534-2295.

Signs Your Partner Is Using or Dealing Drugs FAQs

How can I tell if the changes in my partner’s behavior are due to addiction or something else?

The best way to tell if the changes in your partner’s behavior are due to addiction or something else is to combine open communication, observation, and consultation.

Carefully observe your partner’s behavior for patterns. Are there certain triggers or situations that seem to align with the behavioral changes you are noticing? If so, those triggers/situations are likely related to the underlying causes for your partner’s behaviors.

Consider other potential causes of behavioral changes. Are there any significant external stressors that could be causing the changes? Are there any changes in social circle, physical or emotional health, finances, or priorities that could be the cause?

It may be advisable to consult with other friends and family members of your spouse to see if they have noticed the changes and what their thoughts on them are. You may discover potential alternative causes or confirm your suspicions.

In some cases, the best course of action may be to have an open and honest conversation with your spouse to discuss your concerns.

Are there any physical signs specific to certain types of drugs?

Yes, most types of drugs produce physical signs that the individual is using them. For example, long-term alcohol abuse is associated with yellow eyes, or intravenous opioid use is associated with track marks. Other examples include tooth decay associated with meth use, and clenched jaws associated with ecstasy use.

Should I confront my partner directly about my suspicions?

In general, you should avoid confronting your spouse if you feel there is a danger to yourself and/or others if you do so. A prime example would be confronting a partner with a history of domestic violence. You should also avoid confronting your spouse directly if you think that it will damage their recovery prospects. For example, it may be better to have an intervention hosted by an expert rather than trying to confront your spouse on your own.

If there is little or no risk of your spouse harming someone or you harming their recovery prospects, it is probably better to confront your partner directly, in private, with your concerns. It is important to be very careful how you do this, however, and it is highly advisable to carefully research strategies if you do. Always remember to avoid putting blame and speak from a place of compassion.

Is it my responsibility to report suspected drug use to someone else?

Generally, it is not your responsibility to report suspected drug use to someone else, unless there is a special legal relationship in the jurisdiction that you live. Generally, these relationships only exist if you are in a caretaker situation (like a parent) or you have a special obligation (like being a teacher or a police officer). However, a spousal relationship would not count. In fact, the vast majority of jurisdictions in the United States actually protect spouses from having to report or testify against their partners.